Kick the Perfectionist Habit: Massaging the Professionals
Fourth quarter, we had a new sort of assignment. Choose two specially trained and selected professional massage therapists from a list, give them each a one hour massage at their place of business, and get critique.
This has been my most terrifying massage experience to date. I am a perfectionist. I like to play it cool in public. I never once practiced the piano as a kid when my father was at home, because he was a pianist. Even now, I don’t show unfinished poems to my husband. I’m married to this guy. He lives in my fart cloud. I shouldn’t be worried about his seeing my rough drafts. But I do.
So showing my skills and lack thereof to someone who actually knows what I’m doing wrong? When I’m only halfway through my schooling? Insecure doesn’t even begin to cover how I felt about the idea. I was certain that my best wouldn’t be good enough.
So I went. I massaged. Know what? My best wasn’t good enough. For me.
But my best wasn’t supposed to be good enough. I’m not a massage therapist yet. I’m a massage therapist in training. I NEVER get the right amount of lubricant on my first try. My strokes can be kind of disjointed. I get awkward about working on men’s butts.
Should I say that again? I CAN BE SUPER AWKWARD.
But the number 1 critique that both massage therapists offered me?
“As is usual for most students at this stage in their education, Katherine was quite nervous. If she had not apologized so often for this issue I would not have been aware of it. Confidence will come with additional experiences.”
“She asked appropriate questions throughout the Hx intake, however her nervousness over-shadowed, giving an appearance of not being confident.”
My biggest weakness was my own nerves. Not my techniques. Not my draping. Not my choice of areas to focus on.
A little crush to the internal critic there, which likes to think it knows better than anyone else what my problems are.
I got some fantastic praise. I do great work on the pectorals and face. I’m responsive to client requests. I drape well. My percussion techniques are apparently “superb.” (That year performing in the drum and marimba ensemble actually paid off down the road!)
I’ve got until May 2011 to get to “good enough to have a go at doing this professionally,” and the rest of my life to get to “I’m happy with the quality of the work I do.” “Happy,” not “satisfied.” Because complacency sucks, but so does living in fear.
So, a few of lessons to take away from this:
- If you get the chance to give a massage to an experienced massage therapist (of the nice variety, one who actually wants to help you), go for it. It’s illuminating.
- If the idea of trying this (or anything else!) scares you silly, that’s okay. But do it anyway. It makes for a more dramatic story afterward, when you describe how your legs were shaking as you lugged your suitcase of sheets and towels up their stairs to meet your doom mentor.
- Don’t be a jerk to yourself. It doesn’t make people act nicer to you in order to compensate. It just makes you like you less.
Is there a perfectionist bug in your brain whose bottom you’d like to drop-kick into the nearest landfill? Talk about it.
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9 Responses on Kick the Perfectionist Habit: Massaging the Professionals
Confidence will definitely come with time. I remember how nervous I was when I was in school. The more people I worked with and the more situations I was in the more my confidence grew. Giving a massage to a professional therapist is a great idea. When I was in school, I also started going to various massage clinics to get massaged. I just wanted to see how other therapists ran their businesses and what their massage styles were.
Hi Kat – I found you through Writing a Blue Streak. Your blog is awesome. I totally agree that most stuff for massage therapy students (and massage therapists!) is boring and dry. I much prefer funny and real and your blog delivers. I shared it on the Facebook page we have for our class at Cortiva. I’m sure a lot of my fellow students will find it helpful.
That’s a really interesting assignment! And would freak me out. I totally know how you feel. I’m pretty confident working on my fellow students but when we have to work on the teacher or teaching assistant I get all wobbly in the knees! I have a good friend who’s a recent massage therapy grad. He’s offered to let me work on him as a practice partner and I know I should take him up on it. I’d learn a lot. But I’m scared shitless because I know he’s really good at what he does. And I know he won’t sugar coat his assessment of what I’m doing (and he shouldn’t but I’m a criticism wimp). Maybe I should just suck it up and do it. If only because it scares me.
@ Heather: getting massages from lots of different kinds of therapists has been great. The fact that people do such different things, but that most of it still has a positive effect on me, is very reassuring.
It’s also been educational. Who knew I’d find aromatherapy so annoying?
I’m sure I’ll get more confident in time. But right now I’m just getting to the point where I realize how little I know!
@Jessica: I’m glad I can put something out there that’s useful and interesting for you and your classmates. I have a lot of fun writing it!
My first time massaging someone who “knew better,” I gave a 15 minute chair massage to my cousin, who’s a chiropractor. It was a lot less stressful than having to give a one hour table massage, and I still got some great feedback. Maybe try out just a mini-massage on your professional friend? Just do some head-shoulders-neck work, or practice whatever new technique you’re learning in class?
Kat – That’s a great idea. Start small. It’s only my first quarter and we just started doing full hour massages last week. It’s sort of unfair for us to expect to be able to give a professional-caliber massage of that length without lots more practice. But when I focus on one or two areas, I’ll probably do a better job, feel more confident and get more focused feedback. I’ll let you know how it goes . . .
Kat – Your first few professional evaluations are always the hardest. Even now, when I massage another massage therapist for the first time, I’m always wondering if they are laying there analyzing everything I’m doing. That lasts for a couple of minutes and then I get into the massage.
As a “pro”, I get called back to the school to give evaluations. The school requires 2 and the first one is long before they complete their studies. They’ve usually just gotten through the basics and haven’t started on the intermediate techniques. No one gets the right amount of lotion on and everyone seems to err by adding way too much. A little dab will do ya! Just remember that the therapist you’re working on has been in your shoes and understands that you’re not done with school. “Fake it til you make it” became the motto of one class. It works.
@ Kelli: I’m kind of glad to know you guys get nervous sometimes too! I started out using too much, but now I’m using too little to compensate. I have to go back and apply more, which earned me a comment on my critique sheet …
Fake it ’till you make it is a HUGE help. But how much of the fake goes away before graduation?
My 1st hands-on evaluation was so bad the instructor actually stopped me and held my hands until the shaking subsided. It was a nightmare.
It takes time to get out of your own head. I’m still working on that…
Allissa! THAT’S the kind of story I wish people would tell when writing for massage therapy students. Why doesn’t anybody ever SAY this sort of stuff online? It makes us feel so much better about our own experiences.
Thanks.
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