gathering after Ohio State Boards

A group of SHI classmates, all smiles after State Boards!

The moment you’ve all been waiting for …

Everything I Know About State Boards!

Date

If you’re like me, you need to put in your summer requests for time off from work by something like February, when the date for the exam hasn’t even been announced yet. Don’t panic. It’s always the second Tuesday in June.

Application

In March, you’ll turn in your application to take the exams. You’ll need two passport photos for this, a list of every job and apartment you’ve had for the last million years, and it helps to have a friend who’s a notary public. Print out extra copies, in case you screw up.

Admission Packet

After you graduate, you’ll get a blue piece of paper saying that you’ve been cleared to sit for the exam in Columbus. You’ll realize with chagrin that you need yet another passport photo. Why they didn’t tell you this earlier, before paid to have the first two taken, is a mystery. But there it is.

Lodging

Make your lodging arrangements. For the love of all that matters, please do not try and drive from anywhere outside of the greater Columbus area the day of the exam. It’s just asking for a traffic jam to ruin your focus … or your chance to take the exam at all. The Days Inn at the Fairgrounds has teeny-tiny rooms, but it’s close enough to walk, which means you will not need to deal with …

Parking

Registration is open from 7:00-7:45, but by the time I arrived at 7:15, the parking lots were already a madhouse. Get in early, early, early. Carpool or walk, or get someone to drop you off, if possible.

Site

The exam is at the Ohio Expo Center (aka State Fairgrounds) in the Celeste Center (aka Giant Freaking Barn). It’s the building that has all the other people carrying pencils and funny colored papers with passport photos stapled to them are going. It’s really impossible to miss.

Registration

Even though your card says that you did not know in advance what any of the questions would be on the exam you have just completed, you need to sign it before showing it to the registrar. It’s stupid, but there you go.

Seating

You have a seat number, somewhere between 1 and ~800, if it’s anything like the size of our group. Two examinees are seated at opposite ends of each long table, in moderately uncomfortable chairs.

Stuff

You can have your admission card, one drink, and as many #2 pencils as your little heart desires on the table with you. Things like car keys need to be under the table. You can’t have cell phones, pagers, watches with computer functions, books, audiovisual materials, notebook paper, or anything that looks remotely cheat-y in the building. If you forget to empty your pockets before the beginning of the exam, you’ll have to walk all the way up to the stage and leave your phone up there, while everyone watches and thinks about how embarrassed they’d be if they were you. Don’t forget.

Dress Code

It was June 14th when we took our exam. A freakishly cold June 14th. This place is a barn, not the Hilton. Dress in lots and lots of layers.

Dress Code, Part 2

In addition to not being dressed for the weather, some folks were not dressed for the profession. If you would like to see some goodwill from the 799 cool people around you, try not to dress like a prostitute. I know it’s difficult, but please give it your best shot.

Dress Code, Part 3

My classmates and I had matching t-shirts made, which we wore to the exams. It’s a lot easier to pick out 20 blobs of bright blue in a crowd of 800 than to try and pick out faces. I highly recommend it!

Before the Exam

Since you arrived early, you’ll have plenty of time on your hands. Make sure to

  • find your seat
  • pee!
  • find your friends
  • chat up strangers
  • stretch/move

before they call you to order. If everyone arrives and registers early, they will start the exam early, no matter what the official schedule says.

Before the Exam, Part 2

As Matt and I were working on each others’ rhomboids before the exam, we realized, in a BARN full of future massage therapists, nobody else was giving or receiving any bodywork. That’s … kind of idiotic. Even if you’re there alone, the person across the table from you is not going to turn down a quick neck rub before the exam of a lifetime. Get your hands on somebody, and they’ll undoubtedly return the favor.

Instructions

Actually listen to the dude at the podium when he starts explaining, step by step, how to fill out your answer sheet. You are given an example answer sheet, but in our case, the example was filled out incorrectly. Save yourself minutes of panicked erasing and just wait for the process to be explained to you.

Order and Timing

“Basic Science” (aka anatomy and physiology) is first, with 110 questions. You have two hours to complete the first exam, followed by a 20 minute break. “Limited Branch” (aka massage theory, practice, and law) is up next, also with 110 questions and 2 hours.

Finishing

When you’re done, you can sit in your seat and review your answers for as long as you want. But when you get up, turn in your exam, and leave the building, you can’t come back in until everyone has finished. What this means in practical terms: USE THE BATHROOM BEFORE YOU LEAVE THE BUILDING. There are bathrooms elsewhere on the Fairgrounds, but they’re gross. Also, wear sunscreen and a hat to the exams. If you finish in an hour, that’s an hour outside in the sun. I got roasted.

Distractions

There will always be distractions during the exams. One shifting metal chair on a cement floor makes a HUGE noise in a place like this. One of the examinees had a seizure during our massage exam. The paramedics came and took her. The people sitting next to all this didn’t get a time extension. Be prepared to focus, no matter what.

Eat

You are pretty much guaranteed to be famished once you’ve finished. Have a lunch place picked out ahead of time, with directions already written down. I recommend The Happy Greek, although I was voted down by the “burgers and beer” contingent.

Party!

You could just drive on home and eat by yourself, but what’s the fun in that? Find some random nearly-massage-therapists and hit the nearest eatery. Even if you’re cranky and getting sick after your exam (I was!), you’ll still be grateful you shared the moment with others.

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